We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
