why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
