When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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