Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
