Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
