She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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