i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
