I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
