Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
