i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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