i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
