Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
