Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He better not be in your backpack
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
