News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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