They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
