he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
