Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.

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  (908): The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels. http://tfl.nu/nz1k
  Replies (5) Good night (4603) Bad night (684)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?

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  (407): Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ? http://tfl.nu/brtl
  Replies (10) Good night (4028) Bad night (1227)
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  (716): View more from New York

  once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party

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  (716): once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party http://tfl.nu/h6v5
  Replies (10) Good night (899) Bad night (3859)
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  (831): View more from California

  Don't EVER smell your tampon

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  (831): Don't EVER smell your tampon http://tfl.nu/zvwb
  Replies (89) Good night (1379) Bad night (19536)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.

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  (757): I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper. http://tfl.nu/o740
  Replies (4) Good night (2976) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.

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  (952): Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home. http://tfl.nu/0k8h
  Replies (27) Good night (1498) Bad night (3983)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.

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  (505): Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming. http://tfl.nu/efp8
  Replies (4) Good night (870) Bad night (2523)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.

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  (419): is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately. http://tfl.nu/bi26
  Replies (3) Good night (2559) Bad night (719)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward

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  (815): my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward http://tfl.nu/w58u
  Replies (7) Good night (2738) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning

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  (908): I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning http://tfl.nu/qz06
  Replies (5) Good night (3306) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.

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  (615): The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment. http://tfl.nu/6ofo
  Replies (7) Good night (2058) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."

  (323): View more from California

  If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.

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  (310): My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity." (323): If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing. http://tfl.nu/54s4
  Replies (8) Good night (2851) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.

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  (718): So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/to2r
  Replies (3) Good night (1165) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I care about my drink far more than her feelings

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  (507): I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink (815): I care about my drink far more than her feelings http://tfl.nu/v6if
  Replies (3) Good night (1542) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.

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  (973): You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him. http://tfl.nu/xmf9
  Replies (4) Good night (603) Bad night (318)

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