im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.