I wish I could teleport
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
