Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This house was built for laser tag.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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