I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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