Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
