i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
a search helicopter?!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
