We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
