Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
