my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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