Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
