I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
