What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
