It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
