Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
