There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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