Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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