If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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