miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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