you win again, gameday.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
