While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
