mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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