So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
