Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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