The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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