I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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