Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize