what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
