Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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