I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
