i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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