if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
