I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
