Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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