I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
