Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
