He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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