Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there was a trapeze. enough said
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
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fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.