your parents love me but you hate me
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me