PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
