I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
