If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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