glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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