Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
