and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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