I want to have your abortion
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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