my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You can't just leave with hair like that
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
