I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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