Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
