please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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