i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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