At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize